Sunday, January 14, 2024

Sunday, October 23, 2022

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Friday, July 08, 2022

Sunday, November 14, 2021

Just above the clouds

Remember the sun is there, just above the clouds. Below it is all chilly and rainy making one forget it even exists. But it is rising everyday with same precision and warmth, with unobstructed and pristine light, just above the clouds. Below there may be rescue boats floating on roads, news being made, people feeling moody; everything is exactly as before, just above the clouds. Up there just the angle changes, while seasons change below.

Thursday, November 04, 2021

In Varanasi

This is a translation of my essay on the visit to Varanasi during November 2009. It was written originally in Gujarati around 2011. 
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Varanasi is a city in the state of Uttar Pradesh. It is also known as Kashi or Benaras. Kashi is a perfect world unto itself. It is a very ancient city; one of the oldest cities in the world. For me, the most important place on this earth is Kashi.

This city has always attracted people who want to make sense of the mystery of life; even if their ways to reach there are different; their goals also may seem different to us. But really, all the fundamental questions about life are the same. Who am I? Why something is out there? Why does anything 'exist'? What does 'being' mean? What is the world? What does it mean to 'exist'? Why the whole universe is like the way it is? Many people think that God created all this, and therefore seek God; and turn to devotion. God is the product of this mysticism. Many people think that God is not needed for now - 'I will solve this riddle myself'. Such people start pursuit of resolving the mystery of life with help of logic and intellect. People like us who believe in the scientific approach belong to this category. Science, Technology, etc. are products of this non-mysticism or rationalism. Both have the same goal. I have also seen many people who have no problem with life. Life is not an enigma for them. Everything is easy for them. They are deeply involved in life's affairs. Such people enjoy more happiness and less misery in life. Those who have questions, have problems. And Kashi is for people with such questions. Kashi has a special feeling that many people have expressed - that is, the experience of time becoming still or frozen. In Kashi, time does not exist. Sitting on a Ganga ghat in Kashi, you feel everything is right, perfect and orderly. Seems that the essence of the whole universe is contained in this place. The essence of the whole world - is this realization. Everything seems eternal in Kashi. Sitting at the ghat of Ganga in Kashi, one does not know whether this Ganga is flowing and I am still or this time is still and I am flowing? Looks like - the steps of this ghat are more valuable and alive than myself. When I was exhausted and tired from the spree of my PhD pursuit, I went to Kashi. I already knew this is an important place. I already had an attraction for Kashi. I like to believe that in previous births I would have been a Pandit in Kashi and would have been spending time in reading, writing, studying while sitting at Ganga ghats.

I stayed in Kashi for five days. The experience of those five days is one tremendous experience of my life. Even today, I want to reach Kashi again and again, remembering those days and trying to live that time again.

I got down at Varanasi Junction railway station. There was not much luggage with me. There was only one bag. I was thinking, I will go to Dasashwamedh ghat and find a hotel or inn nearby. While talking with the rickshaw driver, he realized that I have not fixed a place to go. So he started showing me different hotels etc. At one point, I said let me get down here. But even after letting me get down, he would come with me and talk to the hotel manager - as if I was his guest! Naturally, rickshaw drivers would also be getting commission for bringing the tourists 'home' - I thought. I told him to take me to a hotel near Ganga. I finally chose a random hotel to get rid of the rickshaw driver. I happened to stay there for one night. I was thinking - I will find another good place by evening. The hotel I stayed in was close to Shivala Ghat. Although the hotel was not on the banks of the Ganga, one could reach there on foot from there. It was some Muslim's hotel as there was something written in Hebrew or Arabic on the doors. Many foreigners there also seemed to be Israeli or Arab. Putting my bag in the room and after resting a little, I went for a walk in Kashi. An important moment of life was waiting for me. It was the moment to see the river Ganga, to touch her water. In fact, when I went to IIT Kanpur, I had already met the river Ganga near Bithur. But the view and the sight of Ganga in Kashi is something totally different. I was totally new and unfamiliar in Kashi. And I believed that whatever experiences are bound to happen to me here would be a direct result of my past deeds.

I started walking towards the river, crossing narrow lanes and streets asking people for directions. I entered an old stone mansion and went a little further inside where it got dark and came out through a gate in the light and saw I was on a ghat. And yes! Expansive stretch of Ganga in front of me! Seeing the splendor of the river Ganga, wide, open and like a gate of heaven, I became still. Hearing sounds of vedic chants being played on loudspeakers from somewhere at distance, I turned speechless. I felt that this whole atmosphere and this whole event was very close to my soul. It was as if reflection of the vastness and peace of the universe is falling in this space. I felt like I had come to my true and permanent home. I was going through an experience that is extremely sacred and impossible to describe in words.

In Varanasi, ghats can be seen from far on the river Ganga. A Ghat is a stepped structure made with slabs of stones that extend and go deep into the water and make the built-up shore of the river. The stones found in this region are red in color. The same stones from which many famous buildings of North India are built; such as Red Fort, Fatehpur Sikri etc. I thought - I have reached the heart of India, the center of India. Many ghats in Kashi are built of such red stones. I even felt jealous of these stones, how lucky are these stones that Ganga herself bathes them since hundreds of years by gentle splashes. There were very few people on the ghat. This was the ghat of King Chet Singh. The mansion from which I emerged was his palace. This king fought a battle here with the troops of Warren Hastings - an English governor.

I descended down the steps and put my feet in the cold water of Ganga and sat down. I filled my palms with water and saw my reflection in it. This is the same water seeing which our ancestors would have been overcome with emotions and this is the same Ganga with whose praise the scriptures of India have been filled. This is the same Ganga that has nurtured India for ages. I felt as if I am playing a piece of history, not the water of Ganga in my hand!

There are about eighty ghats on the Ganga in Varanasi. Starting from Asi Ghat in the south to Rajghat in the north, bank of Ganga is about 3-4 km long. The Ganga flows from the Himalayas in the north to the Bay of Bengal near Calcutta in the south, but the Ganga flows northwards near Varanasi. It seems that Ganga is trying to take a beautiful turn and go to its origin Shiva. In fact, people say that to see this town of Shiva, the Ganga flows northwards here opposite from its natural direction. Another thing is that the whole of Kashi is situated on the west bank of the Ganga. The east coast is empty. East coast is one long wide sandy stretch. There are forests behind it and no population is visible. Surprisingly, despite being one of the oldest and continuously inhabited city in the world, it has never expanded to the other side of the Ganga. Varanasi has never crossed the Ganga. Kashi is delimited by the Ganga. And when you look at the Ganga in Kashi from its ghats, it seems that the end of this world has come. And from the same east direction in the morning when the sun rises a mesmerizing scene is formed. Bathing in this golden water of Ganga, which shines brightly in the background of the temples of Kashi in the early morning in the mild cold, is probably the most celebrated occasion of Aryan civilization. The grandeur of this scene of human culture, can compete with scenes of any of the grand vistas of nature such as forests, mountains, seas, wildlife, where God gets a free hand. Indeed, Ustad Bismillah Khan is right when he says "जन्नत भी भरे पानी मेरे काशी के सामने".

Walking far away from Chet Singh Ghat, I reached Manikarnika Ghat. This is the cremation ghat. The story of this open crematorium on the Ganga is sung in the Puranas. It is said that Manikarnika's buring pyres have not been cold for hundreds of years. The atmosphere here is wonderful. There are big piles of neatly stacked wood around here. People from all over India are brought here for cremation. Death in Kashi is desirable. This is the same Manikarnika Ghat where it is said that lord Shiva himself blows Tarak Mantra (words that liberate the soul from cycle of rebirth and death) into the ear of the dead. The houses and mansions near this ghat have been getting smeared for years due to the ashes rising from the pyres; have turned black. Everything here seems to be drowning in the mouth of time. The fair skinned foreigners who come here become very serious and still. One experiences death and disintegration from very close here. The view of Manikarnika from a boat on the Ganga at night seems beautiful to some or haunting to some. Hundreds of people are sitting on the steps of this ghat; thinking of something while watching the final farewell of their relatives. Due to the weight of the people sitting permanently, the steps of this ghat are inclined downwards. As if these steps also want to slide down to the burning pyres. Sitting on its pier for hours, I kept thinking about life and death. I kept watching the bodies burning, the smoke rising and rising high in the sky. It is easy to get into a meditative state here. There is continuous flow of new corpses from the alleys around the ghat. This place is throbbing twenty-four hours a day. Watching the business of a day sitting on a wooden bench in a narrow alley near this ghat and drinking tea in a clay pot is a great experience. Everything here is old; roads, people, houses, temples, etc. are all in dilapidated condition. But seems like there is a wonderful arrangement in the whole atmosphere. Everything seems to be right and perfect here. There is no contradiction here. After coming to Kashi faith on the world is restored.

The alleys around Manikarnika Ghat are also very famous. Brahmanal (ब्रह्मनाल) is the name of an alley through which one can arrive on the ghat. Brahmanal means the umbilical cord or tube connecting to Brahman. In any of the streets of Benaras, there are stalls of tea, betel leaves (paan) and snacks. Tea is drunk in small clay pots. One tea is available for three rupees. Life is cheap here. If you are hungry, you can go to the kachori gali nearby and eat kachori, puri bhaji etc. In a small round bowl made of big dry leaves as found in Benaras, three or four kachoris are broken and a boiled mixture of chickpeas and various beans is poured over it. And little bit of chutneys on top. It is also customary to eat jalebi after this breakfast/snack. And then after eating a Banarasi paan, it will be fun to wander for two or three hours. These streets will be barely ten feet wide. Due to the 4-5 storey houses around it, sunlight never falls in the streets. So there is a natural coolness in these alleys. People from all over India come here, so you can find a dish from any region. At one place there stood a large group of South Indians. When I went there I saw a shop of Dosa, Idli, Uttappa, Sambhar. Wow! It was fun. So far from Bangalore, I thought there was no hope of getting such nice idlis, dosas! Spicy milk was heating up in a large pan in just the next shop. This place is located probably where Kashi Vishwanath Gali meets the main road.

If you enjoy religious or historical stories, you will know that at every place in Benaras an important event has happened. When Adi Shankaracharya came here about nine hundred years ago, he ran into a Chandal in an alley near Manikarnika Ghat. It is said that this Chandal was lord Shiva himself whom Shankaracharya considered untouchable. Shankaracharya told Chandal to move away. Chandal says "To whom are you asking to move away, to my body or the soul inside me?" Hearing this sentence, Shankaracharya understood his mistake and said "ब्रह्म सत्य, जगत मिथ्या". Chandals of Kashi are also so learned. In fact, there is an abundance of monks in Kashi. It may be that many realised souls or occultists have been wandering in these alleys for years, it is difficult to know when one may run into whom!

When Ramakrishna Paramahansa came to Kashi, he was once sitting on a boat and passing by Manikarnika Ghat. Seeing the pyres burning on the ghat, he stood up and became very meditative. His disciples took hold of him lest he falls into the Ganga! Here Ramakrishna saw Lord Shiva himself blowing Tarak mantra in the ear of the dead.

One can go from Manikarnika Ghat via Kachori Gali to Vishwanath Gali in which the famous Kashi Vishwanath Temple is located. Perhaps for common people Kashi is known mainly by this Jyotirlinga. It is very crowded here. The temple is very small compared to its glory. Probably the smallest Jyotirlinga in India. Aurangzeb demolished the original temple and built a mosque there. It is now known as Gyanvapi Masjid. It is said that the Shivling of Kashi Vishwanath was protected by the Brahmins for years, then when the Maratha kingdom came, Ahilyabai Holkar built the present temple. In Kashi, the Maratha rulers have built and renovated many ghats and temples. Maharaja Ranjit Singh of Punjab covered the dome of the Vishwanath temple with gold. Kashi Vishwanath's Shivling is in a corner instead of the center of the temple. It may happen that you are standing in line for two hours to see it.. you pass by it and keep looking, searching where the Shivling is!? It happens many times - one doesn't find God even though one has spent whole life searching for God and remembering God. Maybe God just gets passed over by the side. This way, the temple of Kashi Vishwanath is very indicative.

On the first day in Kashi, I just splashed in the Ganga and came back. I had a wallet, a watch, etc. with me and I was alone so the question was who to trust. The next day I left everything at the hotel early in the morning and went out for a bath in Ganga. It was early November and it was getting cold in Kashi. I got out of the hotel and started walking in a narrow street in the dim light of morning to go towards Shivala Ghat. What happened next was one of the few scenes in my life that I fully remember; a scene in which I was completely 'present'. I was walking and I just felt like the whole atmosphere around me was frozen. Time stopped. I felt as if this moment is coming to me after passing through the ages. A path paved of rough stones, a goat's mouth standing on the side, a few spots of cow dungs below, scattered specks of grass for cattle to eat, an old and closed door of a house on the side and the cold of early morning. This moment has etched itself deep in my memory. I remember, I was walking and as this happened, I stood up. A wonderful peace of mind prevailed. This experience is really hard to describe in words.

I walked for five days in Varanasi. Often I would go to random places without any plan, just to see the city. In that manner I reached Kedar Ghat. There is a temple of Shiva on this ghat and this temple is built in the style of the south. Crowds of South Indians are found on this ghat. After resting on the ghat for a while, I started wandering in the alleys behind the ghat. In one of them I saw a board. 'Swami Ramakrishna Paramahansa's abode when he came to Kashi. A.D. 18.. '. Some nineteenth-century year was written. I really wondered, just wandering around like this, what is the probability to find the place where Ramakrishna lived in Kashi? The answer came from inside, 'negligible'. At this place, there is no crowd. It's just a normal building. Fortunately, I noticed this board. I stepped inside. It was an old style house with a large open square courtyard in the middle and rooms around it. And I saw children of Brahmins dressed in full saffron robes (dhoti etc.) are playing cricket with a plastic ball in the courtyard! Seeing them in their costumes, I felt that these are the gods. As if the gods are themselves are playing cricket here, that feeling came from inside me. I sat on a large square pedestal made of wood in the hallway and watched the game of boys dressed in this perfectly traditional Indian clothing. They must have been thinking, who is this guy who has so much time to watch our game! One or two boys were deliberately trying to hit the ball towards me, but the captain of one of the teams was also careful not to disturb me. I watched four or five of their matches. It was fun. Then I talked to them. These boys are the boys of the local Brahmins who are studying in the Sanskrit school running here. I asked one, what are you studying? He said, 'Ved'. There is no practice of grade 1, 2, 3 etc here. Masterji teaches Sanskrit literature like Vedas, Puranas, Ramayana, Mahabharata etc. Most of the children who study here handle their inherited business of performing religious rituals. There was some time for Masterji to arrive so everyone got together and played cricket. Then I went to the room where Ramakrishna lived and came back after seeing some of his artifacts, like shoes etc.

Accidently, I saw the same place again 3 years later in the BBC's 'Story of India' documentary. The same board, the same courtyard, the same children studying Sanskrit and chanting Vedic mantras!

Friday, October 22, 2021

An evening on the path

It is almost dark on a summer evening in Tiruvannamalai and I am standing at a place where the girivalam path splits from the chengam road. Girivalam path is a well made road with footpaths on both sides (for the most part) for walking pilgrims. When you look from here, there is small Ganesha shrine right at the trijunction and then wide paved footpath starts; on which sadhus in their saffron robes are seen sleeping or sitting. Lines of trees cover over the road from the both sides and it looks like the road disappears between them in distance.

A family is running a tea, snack and food place covered and fenced with metal sheets annexed to the front of their home. In one corner on slightly raised platform there are stoves for tea, coffee and with their vessels and lined-up plastic jars of small snacks like chakris and some confectionaries. If you ask you may even be able to locate chewing tobacco products and cigarettes. The rest of the area works as a restaurant (if it can be called that way) with few modular plastic chairs and tables that are sagging slightly from the middle and their half-naked children running between them. The woman is in charge of the tea and snacks bar and the man is on general arrangements and waiting. Mother in law is on the kitchen stove in another corner.

I decide to have something for this seems almost like the last human outpost before a long solitary journey on this beautiful path on this night. In fact I have walked already 2 km from the ashram, but this seems definitely like a point where the walk really starts as now one leaves the town road for the rural road along the Arunachala. I started the walk from the ashram when it was light and I was amidst the hustle-bustle of the town, vehicles, shops and then slowly saw it all get sparser and sparser until I reached this point. Now the big busses to Bangalore and most other vehicles will take the chengam road and the few pilgrims like me and few other stray vehicles will continue on the path. There is deep silence in the atmosphere except that of the sounds of vehicles passing on the road which are few and far in between as this is the very outskirts of Tiruvannamalai. The air is warm and it will take a while before it will cool down. Each sound of passing vehicle can be listened perfectly separately and in full detail unlike in the town where it all merges into the background noise of everything. The Arunachala stands motionless and in all-witnessing majesty as ever. The Arunachala is like the sun or the moon or a force of the nature; not going anywhere, standing right there; showing people the permanence of some things while they pass by on this earth.

The man asks me to wash my hands (I am surprised) and invites me to the table. I wash them at the makeshift washbasin that drains into a dirty drum below and (I think) that drum might be drained into trickling stream of water that disappears towards the back of the house where there is nothing but trees and bushes.

As I am eating with my bare hands feeling my breathing and staring into dark on this poignant evening, observing the simple and unassuming life of the folks around me, I feel grounded and established.