Beautiful aloofness

Imagine there is a hospitable bench on top of mount Everest and you are sleeping on it with a book and a blanket. Whole humanity is spread below yourself at lower elevations. And you are the closest one to moon tonight. Warmer seashores of earth seem as distant as forgotten stories. Starry heavens is all around you and if God is hiding somewhere in there, you are closest to him too. It is cold but somehow the blanket magically suffices and you continue living..breathing. 

Beautiful aloofness is rejoicing on top of the world.

Stepping out of the story

Can we step out of our life story and see what it looks like?

I was relaxing on a weekend afternoon and the day was bright. I was staring out of window, looking at the terrace of a building far away. On it, there was a small shade made of metal sheet supported by four pillers of concrete. In foreground, the cloths are drying my balcony. And I kept looking at that useless little shade..what was it's purpose? As I kept looking at it, the same feeling realization rose in me: what is the purpose of my story? Am I really the one who I believe to be? And all the significant characters in my story; including my own image; started to lose importance.

I felt, "I am". And I was so eager to utter/feel the next word within myself...but it never came up. It never came up. And it still didn't feel incomplete. After a while, I stood up and went to water and drank a glassful while still being out of the story and laughed at it.

The key question is:

Are we happy just living our little story? At least, we should be a thing or a phenomenon that encompasses that story and allows it to go on. We may still marvel at the specificity of that story and how it turned out to be and how it may still unfold. But at least to me, that specificity is very limiting. I am convinced that we are much bigger phenomena than what people think about us or even what we think about us most of the time. I feel severely limited by my degrading body, mind and environment and one day it will all bite the dust. But equally certainly, I am sure there is a way beyond all this.

At least I do not want to flip through pages of my life story on my deathbed and feel satisfied about it.

Good friendships

While climbing the summit of supreme consciousness, it's all hard work, snow flurries, clouds, avalanches, wind and rain most of the time. But once in a while to the top, we get to some platz nestled in calmness, almost hidden, sheltered from all chaos, where the wind has stopped, the sun is shining and you can feel its warm rays on yourself. You feel you can stay a long time there. Good friendships are like such places in the psyche.

Two fractions

A man is sum of two fractions. The first fraction is he what "he truly is" and the other fraction is what "he is due to the other". This "other" is everything including people, circumstances and environment around him. The goal of life is to increase the fraction what he truly is and decrease the fraction what he is due to the other. This will mean to decrease the personality,  decrease the ego, decrease habits, tendencies, opinions; actually decrease lot of things what he thinks he is but he is not. 

Freezing dawn

A forgotten song has started playing in empty hotel restaurant at freezing dawn. It is breakfast at corner table and outside the window a colorful horizon is waiting for sunrise. Outside, a group of smokers standing in black overcoats are warming themselves up with first smoke of the day and smiling small talks that usually happen between acquaintances at the start of a shared long journey. Yesterday's scenes of a U-Bahn leaving platform in great precision and acceleration are playing out in my mind. The way it would enter a tunnel and the way its windows would start reflecting the insides of the train... Within few minutes I would be at Hauptbahnhof and within few hours I could be anywhere in Europe.