Beautiful aloofness

Imagine there is a hospitable bench on top of mount Everest and you are sleeping on it with a book and a blanket. Whole humanity is spread below yourself at lower elevations. And you are the closest one to moon tonight. Warmer seashores of earth seem as distant as forgotten stories. Starry heavens is all around you and if God is hiding somewhere in there, you are closest to him too. It is cold but somehow the blanket magically suffices and you continue living..breathing. 

Beautiful aloofness is rejoicing on top of the world.

Stepping out of the story

Can we step out of our life story and see what it looks like?

I was relaxing on a weekend afternoon and the day was bright. I was staring out of window, looking at the terrace of a building far away. On it, there was a small shade made of metal sheet supported by four pillers of concrete. In foreground, the cloths are drying my balcony. And I kept looking at that useless little shade..what was it's purpose? As I kept looking at it, the same feeling realization rose in me: what is the purpose of my story? Am I really the one who I believe to be? And all the significant characters in my story; including my own image; started to lose importance.

I felt, "I am". And I was so eager to utter/feel the next word within myself...but it never came up. It never came up. And it still didn't feel incomplete. After a while, I stood up and went to water and drank a glassful while still being out of the story and laughed at it.

The key question is:

Are we happy just living our little story? At least, we should be a thing or a phenomenon that encompasses that story and allows it to go on. We may still marvel at the specificity of that story and how it turned out to be and how it may still unfold. But at least to me, that specificity is very limiting. I am convinced that we are much bigger phenomena than what people think about us or even what we think about us most of the time. I feel severely limited by my degrading body, mind and environment and one day it will all bite the dust. But equally certainly, I am sure there is a way beyond all this.

At least I do not want to flip through pages of my life story on my deathbed and feel satisfied about it.

Good friendships

While climbing the summit of supreme consciousness, it's all hard work, snow flurries, clouds, avalanches, wind and rain most of the time. But once in a while to the top, we get to some platz nestled in calmness, almost hidden, sheltered from all chaos, where the wind has stopped, the sun is shining and you can feel its warm rays on yourself. You feel you can stay a long time there. Good friendships are like such places in the psyche.

Two fractions

A man is sum of two fractions. The first fraction is he what "he truly is" and the other fraction is what "he is due to the other". This "other" is everything including people, circumstances and environment around him. The goal of life is to increase the fraction what he truly is and decrease the fraction what he is due to the other. This will mean to decrease the personality,  decrease the ego, decrease habits, tendencies, opinions; actually decrease lot of things what he thinks he is but he is not. 

Freezing dawn

A forgotten song has started playing in empty hotel restaurant at freezing dawn. It is breakfast at corner table and outside the window a colorful horizon is waiting for sunrise. Outside, a group of smokers standing in black overcoats are warming themselves up with first smoke of the day and smiling small talks that usually happen between acquaintances at the start of a shared long journey. Yesterday's scenes of a U-Bahn leaving platform in great precision and acceleration are playing out in my mind. The way it would enter a tunnel and the way its windows would start reflecting the insides of the train... Within few minutes I would be at Hauptbahnhof and within few hours I could be anywhere in Europe. 

The process

I feel a process in me has started that is unstoppable and no matter what are my external circumstances, will take me to the destination. I am unnecessarily worrying about life and affairs of the world. This process makes me feel that all my circumstances are not important and they are just temporary accompaniments to my finite form, to this embodiment. And they all will fall off in due course. Only good use of this body is to observe and  commune with the process whenever time permits and in the remaining time fulfill all the duties demanded by the circumstances. This body, this mind and these circumstances are not mine and were only given to me and are the result of external causes of the world and hence I must not be a hindrance to the natrual and complete fruition of the cause and effect chain that has set them in motion in the first place.

Because if I am not the cause of my body and my circumstances, then what "right" do I have over it or what "power" can I have over the consequences of those causes? 

No, there can not be any rights or powers in human life. There can only be duties. Even if I delude myself or others delude myself that I have certain "power" or "rights" over this body, it is not going to work. And the first time it does not work, the illusion is going to be broken. And for all, these illusions keep breaking up, left right and center, every day (including me)! But they still keep going on believing in their power or rights. This is what is "normal". But once you see through this "normal", it is hard to keep returning to this "normal". Even if you return to that "normal" temporarily, it should be due to an act of forgetfulness or as a call of duty but we savour this normal and jump in it with a wish to exercise our powers and rights. And this is how the madness continues.

The classroom

[ Fiction ]

It was a large airy classroom on top floor of the school with three sides open and dotted with diffused glass windows with iron frames. It might have been used as examination hall sometime. Now it was standing destitute and nobody was here. It was fitted with sturdy old style wooden benches. Below the writing desk of each bench there was enclosed space for storing students' things that can be latched closed with a cover that hanged below; fitted to the bench with hinges. When the cover closed there remained a gap of about couple of inches through which one could see and feel for what was stored inside.

He entered the classroom via the door in corner next to the wall with large blackboard. For a moment, he stood there; his searching eyes traversed all extents of that bright classroom. Then he got to work and gathered all his books and goodies littered all over and brought them to a bench near the rear corner. He arranged them neatly in its compartment and latched the cover. He took a moment; tried to register this bench to memory as he didn't know when he will be back again. Sunlight was entering through a broken window in the back falling on the slit of the bench compartment illuminating some of the titles of the books he stored inside. His hand instinctively tried to arrange them again but he decided against it and hurriedly left the room. And the sunlight remained; illuminating the titles of his books in that bench.

શ્રી રમણ મહર્ષિએ ગીતા માંથી સારરૂપે તારવેલા બેતાલીસ શ્લોકો.

----

ગુજરાતી સમશ્લોકી અનુવાદ - ગીતાધ્વનિ માંથી - કિશોરલાલ મશરૂવાળા

----

સંજય બોલ્યા –

આમ તે રાંકભાવે ને, આંસુએ વ્યગ્ર દ્રષ્ટિથી.

શોચતા પાર્થને આવાં, વચનો માધવે કહ્યાં-…

શ્રી ભગવાન બોલ્યા –

ક્ષેત્ર એ નામથી જ્ઞાની, ઓળખે આ શરીરને,

ક્ષેત્રને જાણનારો જે, તેને ક્ષેત્રજ્ઞ તે કહે…

વળી મʼને જ ક્ષેત્રજ્ઞ, જાણજે સર્વ ક્ષેત્રમાં,

ક્ષેત્રક્ષેત્રનું જ્ઞાન, તેને હું જ્ઞાન માનું છું…

હું જ આત્મા રહ્યો સર્વે, ભૂતોનાં હ્રદયો વિષે,

આદિ, મધ્ય તથા અંત, હું જ છું ભૂતમાત્રનાં…

જન્મ્યાનું નિશ્ચયે મૃત્યુ, મૂઆનો જન્મ નિશ્ચયે,

માટે જે ન ટળે તેમાં, તને શોક ઘટે નહીં…

ન જન્મ પામે, ન કદાપિ મૃત્યુ,

ન્હોતો ન તે કે ન હશે ન પાછો.

અજન્મ, તે નિત્ય, સદા, પુરાણ,

હણ્યે શરીરે ન હણાય તે તો…

છેદાય ના, બળે ના તે, ન ભીંજાય, સુકાય ના,

સર્વવ્યાપક તે નિત્ય, સ્થિર, નિશ્ચળ, શાશ્વત…

જાણજે અવિનાશી તે, જેથી વિસ્તર્યું આ બધું,

તે અવ્યય તણો નાશ, કોઈએ ના કરી શકે…

અસત્યને ન અસ્તિત્વ, નથી નાશેય સત્યનો,

નિહાળ્યો તત્ત્વદર્શીએ, આવો સિદ્ધાંત બેઉનો…

સૂક્ષ્મતા કારણે વ્યોમ, સર્વવ્યાપી અલિપ્ત રહે,

આત્માયે તેમ સર્વત્ર, વસી દેહે અલિપ્ત રહે…

સૂર્ય તેને પ્રકાશે ના, ના ચંદ્ર, અગ્નિયે નહીં,

જ્યાં પોંʼચી ન ફરે પાછા, મારૂં તે ધામ ઉત્તમ…

કહ્યો અક્ષર, અવ્યક્ત, કહી તેને પરંગતિ,

જે પામ્યે ન ફરે ફેરા,-તે મારૂં ધામ છે પરં…

નિર્માન, નિર્મોહ, અસંગવૃત્તિ,

અધ્યાત્મનિષ્ઠા નિત, શાંતકામ.

છૂટેલ દ્વંદ્વ સુખદુઃખરૂપી,

અમૂઢ તે અવ્યય ધામ પામે…

છોડીને શાસ્ત્રનો માર્ગ, સ્વચ્છંદે વરતે નર,

તેને મળે નહિ સિદ્ધિ, ન સુખે, ન પરંગતિ…

સમાન સર્વ ભૂતોમાં, રહેલા પરમેશ્વર,

અવિનાશી વિનાશીમાં, તે દેખે તે જ દેખતો…

અનન્ય ભક્તિએ તોયે, આવી રીતે હું શક્ય છું,

તત્ત્વથી જાણવો જોવો, પ્રવેશે મુજમાં થવો…

જેવું જે જીવન સત્ત્વ, શ્રદ્ધા તેવી જ તે વિષે,

શ્રદ્ધાએ આ ઘડ્યો દેહી, જે શ્રદ્ધા તે જ તે બને…

મેળવે જ્ઞાન શ્રદ્ધાળુ, જે જિતેન્દ્રિય, તત્પર,

મેળવી જ્ઞાનને પામે, શીઘ્ર પરમ શાંતિને…

એવા અખંડયોગીને, ભજતા પ્રીતથી મʼને-

આપું તે બુદ્ધિનો યોગ, જેથી આવી મળે મʼને…

રહેલો આત્મભાવે હું, તેજસ્વી જ્ઞાનદીપથી,

કરૂણાભાવથી તેના, અજ્ઞાન-તમને હણું…

જેમનું આત્મ-અજ્ઞાન, જ્ઞાનથી નાશ પામીયું,

તેમનું સૂર્ય-શું જ્ઞાન, પ્રકાશે પરમાત્મને…

ઈંદ્રિયોને કહી સૂક્ષ્મ, સુક્ષ્મ ઈંદ્રિયથી મન,

મનથી સૂક્ષ્મ છે બુદ્ધિ, બુદ્ધિથી સૂક્ષ્મ તે રહ્યો…

એમ બુદ્ધિપરો જાણી, આપથી આપ નિગ્રહી,

દુર્જય કામરૂપી આ, વેરીનો કર નાશ તું…

જેમ ભભૂકતો અગ્નિ, કરે છે ભસ્મ કાષ્ટ સૌ,

તેમ ચેતેલ જ્ઞાનાગ્નિ, કરે છે ભસ્મ કર્મ સૌ…

જેના સર્વે સમારંભો, કામ-સંકલ્પ-હીન છે,

તે જ્ઞાનીનાં બળ્યાં કર્મો, જ્ઞાનાગ્નિથી બુધો કહે…

કામ ને ક્રોધથી મુક્ત, યતિ જે, આત્મનિગ્રહી,

રહે તે આત્મજ્ઞાનીને, બ્રહ્મનિર્વાણ પાસમાં…

ધીરે ધીરે થવું શાંત, ધૃતિને વશ બુદ્ધિથી,

આત્મામાં મનને રાખી, ચિંતવવું ન કાંઈયે…

જ્યાંથી જ્યાંથી ચળી જાય, મન ચંચળ, અસ્થિર,

ત્યાં ત્યાંથી નિયમે લાવી, આત્મામાં કરવું વશ…

વશેંદ્રિય મનોબુદ્ધિ, મુનિ મોક્ષપરાયણ,

ટાળ્યાં ઈચ્છા-ભય-ક્રોધ, તે મુનિ મુક્ત તો સદા…

યોગે થયેલ યુક્તાત્મા, સર્વત્ર સમદૃષ્ટિનો,

દેખે સૌ ભૂતમાં આત્મા, ને સૌ ભૂતોય આત્મમાં…

અનન્ય ચિત્તથી જેઓ, કરે મારી ઉપાસના,

તે નિત્યયુક્ત ભક્તોનો, યોગક્ષેમ ચલાવું હું…

તેમાં જ્ઞાની, સદાયોગી, અનન્ય ભક્ત, શ્રેષ્ઠ છે,

જ્ઞાનીને હું ઘણો વાʼલો, તેયે છે મુજને પ્રિય…

ઘણાયે જન્મને અંતે, જ્ઞાની લે શરણું મુજ,

ʼસર્વ આ બ્રહ્મʼ જાણે તે, મહાત્મા અતિ દુર્લભ…

મનની કામના સર્વે, છોડીને, આત્મમાં જ જે,

રહે સંતુષ્ટ આત્માથી, તે સ્થિતપ્રજ્ઞ જાણવો…

છોડીને કામના સર્વે, ફરે જે નર નિઃસ્પૃહ,

અહંતા-મમતા મૂકી, તે પામે શાંતિ, ભારત…

જેથી દુભાય ના લોકો, લોકથી જે દુભાય ના,

હર્ષ, ક્રોધ, ભય-ક્ષોભે, છૂટ્યો જે તે મʼને પ્રિય…

સમ માનાપમાને જે, સમ જે શત્રુમિત્રમાં,

સૌ કર્મારંભ છોડેલો, ગુણાતીત ગણાય તે…

આત્મામાં જ રમે જેઓ, આત્માથી તૃપ્ત જે રહે,

આત્મામાંહે જ સંતુષ્ટ, તેને કોʼ કાર્ય ના રહ્યું…

કરે કે ન કરે તેથી, તેને કોʼ હેતુ ના જગે,

કોઈયે ભૂતમાં તેને કશો, સ્વાર્થ રહ્યો નહીં…

સંતુષ્ટ જે મળે તેથી, ના દ્વંદ્વ નહીં મત્સર,

સિદ્ધિ અસિદ્ધિમાં તુલ્ય, તે ન બંધાય કર્મથી…

વસીને સર્વ ભૂતોનાં, હ્રદયે પરમેશ્વર,

માયાથી ફેરવે સૌને, જાણે યંત્ર પરે ધર્યાં…

તેને જ શરણે જા તું, સર્વભાવથી, ભારત,

તેના અનુગ્રહે લૈશ, શાંતિ ને શાશ્વત પદ…

----

Major cultural elements of modern human life

I think major cultural elements of modern human life are nothing but diseases that have been forgotten because they are collective and originated long ago. So the current human crop has no idea about them. It has become their environment. These diseases are excessive love of food and taste, excessive love of beauty/idleness and excessive love of sensuality. And all this is considered part of "good life".

Just like an innocent boy who puffs his first smoke or takes his first drink thinking that what he is doing is bad and not required but he will be able to stop it when it really goes out of hand; but then he slowly watches these bad habits grow over him. Just like this, there would have been a point in human history when, we transitioned from "need" to "enjoyment" mode of these things. This could have been result of invention of agriculture, settling into homes, excess world population that was available to do various tasks to support others, concentration of wealth and power.

A morning

A long strand of spider web is swaying in the balcony and sunshine is traveling along its length. A bee has arrived on the scene from somewhere and starts hovering around it in sunshine. Just then a puppy barks from somewhere below; from the kitchen comes a short sound of pulses thrown in a vessel; and a boy is heard exchanging first greetings of the day with his mother. 

Machine

Believe me, your consciousness can be so differentiated that you can see your existence as just a summation of separate parts of huge machine  from 100ft above. The problem is most of the time, we believe that the machine has only one part and not only that we 'become' that part. And the machine no longer exists. Instead, if we go higher, we not only see other machines with their parts but find that all machines become parts of another big machine and so on... And then a time comes when you lose sight of which part you were because all looks the same everywhere. The part I am talking about is your ego and your life story. Believe me, it is not yours, it doesn't exist and you are not living it.

Excerpts from the book: Words of Grace

‘WHO AM I?’ I am not this physical body, nor am I the five organs of sense perception; I am not the five organs of external activity, nor am I the five vital forces, nor am I even the thinking mind. Neither am I that unconscious state of nescience which retains merely the subtle latencies of the mind, while being free from the functional activity of the sense-organs and the mind, and being unaware of the existence of the objects of sense-perception. 

Thus rejecting all the above-mentioned physical adjuncts and their functions, saying ‘I am not this: no, nor am I this, nor this’ — that which then remains separate and alone by itself, that pure Awareness is what I am. This Awareness self is by its very nature Sat-Chit-Ananda, (Existence-Consciousness-Bliss).

--

If the earnest seeker would only cultivate the constant and deep contemplative ‘remembrance’ of the true nature of the Self till he has realized it, that alone would suffice. 

--

God and the Guru are not really different; they are identical. He that has earned the Grace of the Guru shall undoubtedly be saved and never forsaken, just as the prey that has fallen into the tiger’s jaws will never be allowed to escape. But the disciple, for his part, should unswervingly follow the path shown by the Master.

--

The thought ‘I am not the doer; all actions are merely the reactions of the body, senses and mind,’ is an aid for turning the mind back to its primal state, nevertheless it is still a thought, but one which is necessary for those minds which are addicted to much thinking.

--

One should abide in the Self without the sense of being the doer, even when engaged in work born of destiny, like a madman. Have not many devotees achieved much with a detached attitude and firm devotion of this nature?

--

Mind will be cleared of its impurities only by a desireless performance of duties during several births, getting a worthy Master, learning from him and incessantly practising meditation on the Supreme. 

Death

One day you will die and will be hurriedly carried away straight to be burnt. Hours before that, you will fast degenerate from loving 'pappa' or 'mamma' into 'this' or 'that' and finally into 'it'.

Relatives and friends would have gathered at your place; some emotional ones will cry for you last time and forget you. Some will silently relish the space that you just freed up in their psyche.

At the funeral pire, it is your eldest son, who would do it. Gently but certainly giving you up  to fire. Your ghee-lotioned skin will start burning first. Just few hours before you used it and were so proud of it. Now, it is burning! It will start turning red and then to some dark color. First, all the water and moisture under your skin will start evaporating and then will be the turn of fat. Burning fat will make your skin expand with formed bubbles underneath that will ultimately burst and keep burning.

Your lips, your eyes and your nose that received so much affection and love will be up next. One giant flame will catch up with your face and start burning them together. In five minutes, it would have disfigured it so much that it will be hard to identify you. That may come as a relief to your son who can now get down to the business of finishing the whole thing, unabashedly. He will make sure you are being burnt properly.

'Burnt properly', until you are reduced to bones. Yes, just bones. Bones -- each separate from each other, broken, spread in rough shape of your body in the pile of ash. This is the destination of your body and everything associated with it. Then, what were you that lived on for 40-50-60-70-80 years? What was the meaning of your life?

Unreal world

Everyday I wake up in this unreal world carrying on with the unfinished dream called life, carrying on with unfinished tasks that are becoming as impersonal as my story to myself.

When silence starts communicating within, each word outside seems like a hyperbole, an exaggeration. Each spoken, written, thought-about word is a mistake that could be avoided.

Thread of peace is such a fine and delicate one, I struggle sometimes to find it. But I always finds it near me, protected by my faith. May I never lose that faith, may I never lose that peace.

Valley Dreams

Last night I had four dreams one after another (out of blue totally - I rarely have dreams and even then I don't remember the most). 

In the first dream, I am seated on leather couch in reception room of a silicon valley company M filled with sparkling golden lights. I along with some other people are discussing something technical about what a library function does. I ask the receptionist guy and he says it is not in his work area but says what he thinks of that function nevertheless. I am thinking his knowledge is quite impressive being just a receptionist and not an engineer.

In second dream I happen to chance upon A in some corridor somewhere. He was a VP at X. I introduce and remind him of myself and astonishingly he doesn't recognize me. I am baffled as we have met/talked many times before while I was working with him.

In third dream, I am driving my two wheeler to Bangalore airport to catch a very important flight and I am hard pressed for time. I am part of small traffic at a T junction and I want to take right but the signal is red. I along with others wait and wait. But to my frustration, the signal is not turning green. Crucial minutes are being wasted. I think there is some problem with the signal as there is no traffic on the road in front and still signal is not turning green. I am getting visibly agitated and impatient. To my amazement my fellow motorists are calmly waiting for signal to turn green. I think of breaking the signal but there is a policeman loitering farther down on that road. I take the chance and violate the signal and get going, but the policeman intercepts me and takes me to the left. I try to explain my situation and plead to let me go. He says I broke the signal and also the "Lockdown" and the punishment is flogging by stick. He asks me to remove my shirt and points me to go to a concrete electric pole and be ready. While I am removing the shirt and getting ready, he is practicing flogging with stick in air in midst of the road. The people are watching the scene. I am almost ready and go near the electric pole. I am worried how I will be able to explain the beating on my back to airport authorities or when I land in the US? I am just approaching the pole and getting ready and the dream breaks..

In the fourth and final dream it is a sunny day and I am driving a small-red-open convertible in Mountain View on Rengstorff Avenue somewhere between the Costco and Middlefield road. I just saw my ex-colleague C pass by waving her hand from her car from opposite direction, talking to somebody. 'Hey! I think I just saw Mrugesh there!' I hear her stretched voice fade past amidst the speed and noise. I am driving but something is wrong. My car has a U shaped driver protection bar that should come from above on me (as in roller coaster) but I see I have forced myself between the U to reach the breaks and accelerator and managing to drive the car. I take a right turn quickly into a small street to fix this. The street is blocked with a huge truck and there is only a narrow gap between that and the curb. I squeeze-in and trample on to the curb anyway and stop ultimately on a front lawn of a home. I smile and say sorry to the family for treading on their lawn a little bit; they are already standing talking among themselves on their ramp. They take it in good spirit and I jump out and back in the car after fixing the thing, seating properly. All is good and perfect now and I am back on Rengstorff waiting to take the left onto Middlefield.

Idli-sambar

When I think about Tiruvannamalai, the ashram and the mountain while sitting here at home it all looks so perfect, so divine. But when I am there, it feels slightly different. I think when I am there, the mind is expecting a miracle or a mystery any moment and in the procees does not recognize what it is going through fully. But once out of those surroundings it recognizes at once what it has missed. I feel I have never been able to fully immerse in that atmosphere the way I like. And yet there have been many significant experiences of my recent life in that area.

I feel an urge to write lot of things about my impressions there but it is a question of where to start and what to write. And it is also a question of doubt. I doubt that I will be unable to capture the full feelings of the atmosphere in words. Even if I attempt, I fear what I am going to describe might be discounted as merely my idealism for the place and my inclination for glorifying frivalous experiences. It will not carry the palpability of the situations the way I felt them and continuing to feel again and again.

For example, the tastes and sights of those idlis, sambar and chutneys on wet green banana leaf after walking 14km around the hill. Having entered the hustle-bustle of the town, tired and exhausted, I settle into one of those high-traffic mid-range south indian restaurants near the bus stand. The restaurant is full of people's chatter, full of air, flooded with white tubelights and fans running overhead. Once I sit down on one of those simple chairs fabricated from steel pipes and granite topped table, and loosen up extending my arm on next empty chair, I start to feel my breathing and exertion more clearly. Behind me there is continuous noise of vehicles on the road and in front of me, the scene of people eating which I admire so much. I silently observe their ways, their chatter and their food with my tired but calm gaze. At this point I am hungry and feel anything served quickly will taste like heaven, but when the idlis/plain dosa and sambar along with two chutneys arrive and I see them placed, poured and splashed on my green leaf one after another by one of many annas or ammas doing the rounds, I feel that, it is just a start of the gustational bliss that is going to last for next 15 minutes and then linger on my mind forever. 

Moksh

Each of us is essentially an idea, a desire, a thought, a feeling. Each of us is a unique mixture of these, creating a unique imprint on the collective. Moksh is erasure of these imprints. As long as a single one of them left, it will find an expression in universe by way of a mind and a body. Your liberation has nothing to do with yourself but it is about erasure of an idea, erasure of a story that is finding a perfect expression through you right now.

Is your idea ripe enough to fall off? Is your story lived enough to be erased from the face of the collective? That's the key question.

અદ્વૈત

અદ્વૈત નો અગ્નિ અરુણાચલે અરણ્યે બળતો, અસત્ ના આકર્ષણો છોડાવી ને સ્વ ને સત્ માં સ્થિત કરતો.

મોહ ના પોટલાં તવ ચરણો માં છોડાયા, સર્વશક્તિમાન ની સમક્ષ ઈચ્છાઓ ઓગળી જતી જેમ કપૂર ઓગળે હવા માં.